Difficult Relationships

bultoAll persons have different levels of capacity, maturity, training, skill, and experience.  In addition, we have particular family backgrounds, cultures, personalities, idiosyncrasies, tendencies, dominant afflicted emotions, communication styles, and many other characteristics. In short, the combinations and permutations of our karmic formations are truly beyond calculation.  

Given all these permutations, the potential for unsuitability between two particular persons is very high. It should come as no surprise, then, that any one relationship between any two persons is fraught with the potential for misunderstandings, conflict, and plain incompatibility. It is indeed the extremely rare relationship that actually ‘works’, so we should not be surprised in the least when most do not. Those are the odds. 

When a relationship increases stress or suffering, whether its nature is personal or professional, there is no sense in prolonging it. It is best to move on and release it, without resentment and recrimination. It just does not work. 

We just wish all beings happiness and the causes of happiness, and go on our way. It may sound a bit too simple, but that is the way it must be —the only way it can be. 

It takes much energy to continue to attempt to figure out ‘why’ or ‘how’ there is conflict between two persons. The ‘why’ is too complex: infinite causes and conditions. The ‘how’ is equally convoluted: infinite karmic accumulations. And it truly makes no difference. Even if we were able to figure it all out, how would it make things different? Things are just the way they are.  

If you are carrying a very heavy burden, what is easier: to set it down, or to continue to haul it around?

About Tashi Nyima

I am a Dharma student, and aspire to be a companion on the path. I trust that these texts can offer a general approach and basic tools for practicing the Buddha's way to enlightenment. ||| Soy un estudiante del Dharma, y aspiro a ser un compañero en el sendero. Espero que estos textos ofrezcan a algunos un mapa general y herramientas básicas para la práctica del sendero a la iluminación que nos ofrece el Buda.
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8 Responses to Difficult Relationships

  1. talesfromthelou says:

    I needed to hear this. Thank you. Of course, re-blogged

  2. talesfromthelou says:

    Reblogged this on Zen Flash and commented:
    Thank you Tashi, I needed to hear this.

  3. Pingback: Difficult Relationships | Talesfromthelou's Blog

  4. Val Curry says:

    As far as challenging relationships go, I find myself attempting to discern wether to walk away from it or if the challenges are lessons I need to learn to master in my life and if I walk away from it then, I will be confronted with the same lesson again until I work through it.
    Any thoughts?

    • Tashi Nyima says:

      If there is no benefit for you and the other party, and if both are continuing to elicit afflicted emotions with each other, staying is not helpful. However, if there is strong indication that you are making progress in mastering your emotions, then stay with it.

  5. Dharma fool says:

    It almost (almost) sounds as if true friendship is all but impossible. I don’t believe that, however.

    I think we need to give each other time and space — both to our friends and to ourselves — sometimes allow for a wide berth, sometimes coming nearer when needed and wanted.

    Sometimes we are friends even because of faults and flaws, and difficulties. What else can we expect from this world, this time?

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